where the sea meets the sky

2008-03-18T21:27:00.001-07:00

if stating a favourite flower makes you doomed to receive only that flower for the rest of your life, i'll rather not. but i do think white roses are pretty.

[listening to: isaac by madonna]

2007-11-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

promises, just like vouchers and contracts and promotional posters, come with fine print as well, that nobody notices until it is too late and everything is over and done with. you see the big, sensationalized words - things like Don't Worry I Will Always Be There For You, or Best Friends Forever, or Love You Long Long Baby. and with these words flashing in front of you, you dive headfirst alwaysalwaysalways forgeting to ask about the conditions attached. the ones that state the specific situations in which the promise holds, because it is understood that it does not hold otherwise. then you see the promises for what they truly are - Don't Worry I Will Always Be There For You, provided you treat me well, and i happen to be free; Best Friends Forever till i move on and find a new friend; Love You Long Long Baby but how long is long anyway i never stated that so you cannot hold me to it.

cheating? maybe. but you did not read the fine print.

[Listening to: breakable by ingrid michaelson]

2007-10-29T05:08:00.000-07:00

there are times when i press my palm against the face of a giant subwoofer speaker and literally feel the music that is coming through it. to experience the vibrations; and to imagine, just for a few moments, what it is like to live in the world of the deaf. to feel the pulse of the music and to believe deep down inside that it's a living thing just like yourself.

[listening to: love will come through by travis]

2007-09-08T21:13:00.000-07:00

forgetting has to be passive. this makes it impossible to forget intentionally - there comes the inevitability of remembering what it is you want to forget in the first place. it is negligence that leads to forgetting, but you can't force negligence, even holding the idea of it in your head makes it unable to take place.

it's like trying to picture emptiness - you end up thinking of it in terms of the absence of something, or else you create a blackness that only conceals, but does not remove. these are the blockages we create in the thought connections of the things we want to forget, in the hope that with frequent obstruction in such thought pathways, our interest in reaching the end gradually wanes and we achieve our purpose of forgetting.

we all play a game of tag with forgetting. the more you try to pursue it the greater the distance it puts between, but when there comes a time when you are least aware and least suspecting, it sneaks up upon you and taps you on the shoulder.

[listening to: ven tu by domenic marte]

2007-07-31T08:55:00.000-07:00

is reserve even valued anymore? our world seems to be owned by those who pour their hearts out the fastest. exhibiting the most exciting chapter might entice others into buying your book,
but then what's left to read after? good things emerge bit by bit - pandering to mainstream demands by rushing things just spoils taste.

[listening to: can't get over you by groove coverage]

2007-07-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

the story went something like this - a girl, kind and fair, whispered all her secrets into a hollow in a tree. everyday she spoke to it, everyday it listened. but one day the tree was cut down, and the trunk made into a drum, one which sounded all her secrets out for the world to hear. and the secrets were no longer secrets, and what was hers was no longer hers.

so the moral of the story - conserve the forest, save the trees.

[listening to: i think she knows (lovestoned) by justin timberlake]

2007-06-24T21:34:00.001-07:00

class is not found in wealth or social status, but rather in gracious thoughts and manners.

[listening to: hold on by jet]

2007-06-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

when you've made the same mistake before, but still persist along that path - strength or stupidity?

[listening to: loneliest girl in the world by cary brothers]

2007-05-31T08:55:00.000-07:00

what impresses me is not just talent, but talent with genuine nonchalance. if you think you're heck of a big deal, you're probably wrong.

[Listening to: sorry so sorry by howie day]

2007-05-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

isn't it funny how you become more and more persuaded of someone's uniqueness when you presume he sees something special in you? it could be the narcissistic streak in all of us, that is so ready to believe we have something inside us to offer, and when it appears as if someone has looked deep into our inner beings and spotted great potential in us, we are unconsciously driven to think that he/she is someone different from the rest, because he/she alone out of all the people that we've met has that foresight to recognise the person that we are or could be. and affection for that someone begins to grow, and eventually develops into something else.

in that way, i think you could like someone for helping you like yourself. the affirmation of your distinctiveness that someone's attraction to you brings is more valuable than many people realise, and they come to mistake gratitude for love.

[Listening to: i will not forget you by sarah mclachlan]

2007-05-23T02:34:00.000-07:00

sweet things are overrated, honestly. every other person is a self-professed chocoholic and is so proud to announce it to the world. what for, does the sweetness affect their personality through diffusion? it's become almost a trend to love the sweets, i see people brandishing their affection for them all the time as if it will make them more exciting people. i'm not a chocolate girl hurhur, neither am i a cakes, cookies, biscuits, muffins kind of girl. ice cream i live with because it's cold and that makes things different.

i like my soups and meats thankyuverymuch.

[Listening to: almost lover by a fine frenzy]

2007-05-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

i realise it is impossible to ascertain whether a person registers a certain colour the same way that someone else does. if someone actually sees red as blue, but was taught since young that the colour he perceives as blue is red, he would never know that what he's seeing is different from what someone else sees, because after that he recognises that same colour and calls it red. it is quite impossible to describe a colour without reference to other colours, so if a person's entire scale of colours is completely off the chart, but each individual colour is held in proportion to the next, he could live his whole life not knowing that what he sees is not the same as what others see. we say red is a fiery colour, exuberant and passionate, but only because the things we associate with those qualities appear red to us to begin with. if for instance fire and roses and blood were blue, it would be perfectly natural for us to conclude that blue is a fiery colour.

come to think of it, this holds true for feelings as well. we recognise the circumstances in which they occur and the symptoms that come together with them, but without these affiliations, what's left of an emotion? what is sadness? is my sadness the same as your sadness?

we prescribe common names to things that could be vastly different, but i'm not complaining; we would not be able to function otherwise.

[Listening to: call me by groove coverage]

2007-05-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

many dream about flying and the supposed liberation that comes with it, being unrestrained from the 2d etch-a-sketch surface of the earth. although it is convenient, and i was tempted, to dismiss the idea as a particularly feminine fantasy - soaring, tumbling, free-wheelin' on a magic carpet ride - it's plain to see that big strong men are not any less susceptible to that powerful promise that grips the mind and refuses to let go. who invented the plane to begin with? the anticipated exhilaration of freedom does not discriminate against male or female, young or old, and seduces everyone equally.

but i take a more skeptical approach to the age-old dream - i have my doubts about the wonders of flying. when yu're down yu have at least some semblance of a choice: yu can choose between the option of remaining on the ground and the promise of flying. but when yu're up there it's just a matter of when yu're coming down. being on the ground means yu have the solid earth to back yu up against the forces of gravity - the moment it is no longer present everything works to drag yu down. flying will always be a fight, in our atmosphere at least, one that requires a constant expenditure of energy. and everybody already knows the winner, they just watch on to see how long yu can hold out.

[Listening to: 3 am by matchbox twenty]

2007-04-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

i've finally recognized what it is in chinese culture that stands out to me as something entirely different from other cultures - desperation. not from an ethnocentric point of view - how could i criticize my own roots - but rather from an objective one. the concept of 'hopelessness' just resonates truer in a system in which social structures are held the most rigid, with which comes the natural progression into desperation.

in the west there are rules, and then there are the breaking of such rules. in the east there are sensible rules, the breaking of sensible rules, then there are the unofficial irrational, illogical rules, and the impossibility of breaking such rules. going against a law necessarily means understanding it to begin with; but how can yu fight something yu cannot make sense of? foot binding - who could they specifically target to pinpoint the blame on? the futility of resistance by an individual against the invisible force, might i say it, is apparent to the individual herself even before any action begins.

in the west there is always help, and hope. talkshows galore; human rights; the powerful help the marginalized. in the east community overrides individuals - if it's between personal sacrifice and the perceived good of the society, sorry, they are more than willing to let yu go. so what choice do yu have, when the desperation kicks in? it's gone beyond the level of do-or-die, it's claw scramble latch on to anything that might save yu, or perish trying.

people say the chinese are hardworking, shrewd, ruthless even. i say desperation has gotten us this far.

on a sidenote, that desperation is enthralling, possibly accounting for the intensity in chinese movies. the most poignant scenes are the ones set in dirty urban areas with neon lights, and the legacy of desperation carried on into contemporary china written all over.

2007-04-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

i think mr l..k.y. is a very intelligent man. he married the woman smarter than him.

[listening to: hide and seek by imogen heap]

2007-03-20T23:09:00.000-07:00

song lyrics are despicable flirts. they whisper in your ear, conjure up glorious images, create the illusion of an established understanding between yourself and them, and yu become convinced they belong to yu, till one fine day it dawns upon yu that they've been saying the same damn thing to every other person in the world.

[listening to: on a night like this (nocturnal mix) by kylie minogue]

2007-03-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

i got down to thinking about perhaps one of the most fundamental characteristics of love - its exclusivity. the way it can only exist between two, and does not allow for the branching out to multiple partners. which made me wonder why that exists, even. why love equals the sillouhette of a couple, no more. why a heart is perfectly symmetrical along the middle line, two equal halves on either side, and how splitting it any other way than down that line does not result in the same geometric duplicity. why jealousy is the tag-along in the buy-one-get-one-free of getting attached, natural opposition to polygamy. why possessiveness and the need to capture whole hearts and souls always come into the picture.

time perhaps. 24 hours in a day might not be enough to devote to a particular someone - dividing the limited hours among a few could prove disastrous to mind and health. but then there are those who meet rarely; those who believe in quality time rather than quantity. if every moment spent with each special someone is one that is whole-hearted and fulfiling, supposing out-of-sight-out-of-mind, why should the idea of multiple partners be rejected? segmentation of mind, that's all it takes.

ownership? mine and mine alone. so what happens to generosity in love?

maybe it's the definition of special. but then again, each special someone could be unique in their own way, different from one another, each with distinct characteristics to call their own.

maybe we just naturally like to keep our eggs in one basket.
maybe it's the very nature of love itself.
maybe im getting too tired of thinking.

i've got it. it's the fear of aids.

some did take a modest proposal literally.

[listening to: like a fool [tbm dj radio edit] by fantasy project]

2007-02-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

the need for rationing is always there. good shows must be re-watched only after a substantial period of time; moving songs should not be left on the playlist to be repeated over and over. engaging too much in one activity only leads to eventual conditioned indifference or sickened frustration, and that's where the rationing comes in. it's the push-pull process that keeps the interest alive - pushing yourself away from the precise thing that is calling yu in, even knowing that the attraction grows with distance and time, holding out till it can be done no longer, before allowing yourself to be sucked back in by the lure. fluctuations created by rationing breaks the monotony of prolonged indulgence, but it requires discipline.

[listening to: down so long by jewel]

2007-01-28T05:46:00.000-08:00

one of the best things about living with a family is discovering unexpected food in the fridge. it just occured to me that living alone means everytime yu open the fridge, what yu see is exactly how yu last left it, just in a more advanced stage of decomposition, which is well, rather depressing. being greeted by a well-stocked fridge makes yu aware that your welfare is being accounted for by someone who cares, and that is reassuring in its own way. soya milk because yu prefer it to fresh milk, African sea coconut syrup to soothe your persistent cough, mushroom cheese cubes for when yu crave something salty. not to mention finding little surprises here and there make yu just a tad more willing to face an otherwise dreary day ahead. the contents of a fridge could be the sweetest things in the world, just that nobody bothers to take notice.

[Listening to: patience by take that]

2006-12-17T20:55:00.001-08:00

blind people cannot see dreams. i'm shocked.

2006-12-16T08:04:00.000-08:00

there are some times when yu believe that if yu think hard enough, yu could will things to happen. not because yu're extraordinary - yu've given up hope years ago that one day your secret mental powers will accidentally reveal themselves by causing great pain to someone yu particularly detest - but because even ordinary people can do things when they really want to. but then after a while yu discover that yu can wish so hard yu're ready to explode, when yu're convinced people can positively feel it radiating from yu, and yet nothing happens, and yu look around yu and everything is the same as before, so yu shrug and think oh well maybe another day.

[Listening to: infinity by dj irene]

2006-12-14T01:15:00.000-08:00

i thought blake was incredible. then along came travis.

hooked, lined, sunk.

[Listening to: everything you want by vertical horizon]

2006-11-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

all the dandelion clock seeds have grown wings; it's time for them to be put to the test. we see which sink and which float. but is the courage in leaving - or staying?

[Listening to: missing (todd terry remix) by everything but the girl]

2006-11-22T22:52:00.000-08:00

a bachelorette pad is starting to sound more and more enticing. the kind without individual rooms, but with the bed on the mezzanine floor instead, overlooking the living area. no railings on the staircase because there is no need for them, i like sitting along the edge. cozy but spacious, that's the concept. i was toying with the idea of carpetting the entire place, but then again dust will be a nuisance, so that's scrapped. painting the floor perhaps - i can change the design according to my mood, circles one day, solid colours the next, and maybe waves. square houses always seem so much more intimate; it could be the semi-conscious resemblance to dollhouses they have.

[Listening to: everywhere i go by shawn mullins]

2006-10-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

i've always been touchy about privacy and space, i suppose i need them more than most, perhaps. my thoughts are living breathing creatures, they need room to grow and thrive, not people invading my head and trampling all over them. these thoughts are shy too, they can't function when watched or probed, they don't perform on demand even for myself, but leave them alone and on rare occasions they do little tap-dances in the recesses of my brain.

[Listening to: without you by air supply]

2006-10-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

It's so strange the way your shifting perceptions of someone - good, bad and everything in between - can seem to change them when all along they're always the same person and you're the one seeing them differently. -- Johnny Voodoo by Dakota Lane

[Listening to: a sorta fairytale by tori amos]

2006-10-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

i think i like bollywood films- song and dance and colours and costumes make for mesmerizing shows. we do need to inject some vibrancy in our lives yeah, it doesn't matter that happy endings are not realistic. if prancing around coconut trees and water fountains makes people happy, so be it. bollywood films = world peace, everybody grab a stranger's hand and move to the music, jangle the bangles and spread the lovee.

[Listening to: ready for love by cascada]

2006-10-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

so the definition of identity is how yu see yourself and how the world sees yu. to me, it's a definition that has no end: the idea that comes to mind is of someone looking at a photograph of himself, and in that photograph he is looking at himself in a photograph, and in that photograph he is looking at himself in yet another photograph, and the process goes on and on till it becomes infinitely small. it's impossible to reach something solid, we keep trying to pin down in exact terms what we are, but to do so would mean detaching ourselves from the picture and how does that happen? how yu see yourself will always include how the world sees yu, just as how the world sees yu will then include your view of yourself - we get an endless swallowing of a picture within a bigger picture.

[Listening to: through the glass by stone sour]

2006-10-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

this sounds rather freaky but i think sometimes i do what i do just to see how people react. cheap thrill really, but i get a kick out of hoping for something surprising. chances are i'll be a really sadistic parent because i'll end up treating my kids like experiments and keep intentionally provoking them just to see what happens.

[Listening to: what hurts the most by rascal flatts]

2006-10-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

sometimes people try so hard to hear yu, when all they have to do is listen. everything speaks, even silence, they mutter soft little messages about yu and me and everything else in between. all it takes is to quieten the babbling thoughts in your head, those thoughts that perpetually threaten to barge out in the messy form of talk, if even for a while. it's more difficult than it sounds, in that it does not sound, to listen.

2006-09-26T05:27:00.000-07:00

can i ignore that sound of distant drumming?

2006-09-15T10:01:00.000-07:00

emotions appear deceptively extreme - love as the opposite of hate; laughter as the opposite of tears - two ends on a straight line. but connect the ends and yu form a closed circle, placing the extremes side by side. the scale has never been linear: the distance between love and hate is marginal, it does not take much to tip the balance either way. laughter slips into tears; love slides into hate. only indifference stands alone.

[listening to: everytime we touch candlelight remix by cascada]

2006-08-18T09:30:00.001-07:00

do not expect, and i will not disappoint.

[Listening to: fix you by coldplay]

2006-08-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

i live for - stolen hours in secret places, intense eyes, strumming on acoustics, open spaces, beautiful writing, seamless partnering, understatements, unspoken connections, memories in black and white, fine lines, classic animations, raw emotions, nightmares that rip yu apart so yu have to piece yourself back together again, winter landscapes, glorious battles, empty subway stations in the deep of the night, fresh sheets, the pulsing beat and so much more.

[Listening to: 24 by jem]

2006-08-05T09:14:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI

the cutest thing i've seen in ages.

2006-08-01T21:26:00.000-07:00

if i had one tip for the future - techno. would. be. it. HAHAHA

[Listening to: runaway by groove coverage]

2006-08-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

insecurities plague every one of us, some more so than others. i myself am not immune to self-doubt, who is? but sometimes taking a step back to see how big the world is reminds us how small we are in contrast, and how insignificant our worries seem. we laugh with the world and the world laughs with us; we fuss over personal issues and the world rumbles on without us. insecurities should remain pesky annoyances that are inevitable, nothing more than that. this sounds suspiciously preachy, so i'll skip along over to the other side and say that yeah, insecurities do help to deflate the ego that is MEMEME all the time and make us more tolerable human beings.

[Listening to: i'll be by edwin mccain]

2006-07-30T06:18:00.000-07:00

one of the best feelings in the world is to find a toilet when yu really need one.

[Listening to: heart of asia chinatown remix by dj quicksilver]

2006-07-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

interesting observation - if your sms to a guy has several questions in it, he'll conveniently skip everything and answer only the last one. but a girl would meticulously list out her answers to each question in order and then omit as many spaces as possible so that she can squeeze her reply into a single sms.

[Listening to: save tonight by eagle eye cherry]

2006-06-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

i don't understand people's preoccupation with the spines of books. books are meant to be read, are they not? yet some choose to pry the pages of a book apart just an inch or so, in order to preserve its spine and ensure that no catastrophic creases mutilate them. i appreciate the look and feel and smell of a new book just as the next person, but heavily compromising the actual process of reading, and torturing yourself for hours squinting into the depths of the book just to maintain its mint condition is quite ridiculous. i'm not saying we should go trample on all our books immediately, but honestly, creases on book spines don't kill.

[Listening to: life is wonderful by jason mraz]

2006-06-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

alzheimer's is one disease that causes more suffering to loved ones than the patient himself. they are the ones that carry the burden of two, having to suspend enough memories for both the patient as well as themselves. worse still, they watch someone they care for degenerate before their eyes and yet can do nothing to stop the process. it's like witnessing the decomposition of his mind and his being, while the patient is blissfully unaware, especially as the condition worsens. all the little bits and pieces that make a person who he is are broken back down into their tiny components and slowly dispersed back to where they came from.

i try to write things down, just in case.

[Listening to: thousand mile wish by finger eleven]

2006-06-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

some perverse part of me actually likes that wolverine feels the pain whenever his claws come out. it makes sense that being gifted comes with a price as well, and being able to heal faster than others doesn't mean that he doesn't hurt as much. a sacrifice is always involved, that's why there is a balance. nothing happens transformer-style, shift-click-bang and yu're ready to go.

on a side note, i didn't like wolverine's adoration for jean grey. i like jean grey fine by herself and wolverine by himself, i just don't like them together. she makes him pussy [wolverine being pussy hahaha i'm hilarious] and he was losing the essence of him just like illidan did.

[Listening to: shake by the ying yang twins featuring pitbull]

2006-06-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

in movies they always show that when someone can read minds, everyone's minds sound like how they speak. i don't think in coherent sentences, i think in images and with random words thrown in once in a while. it's only when i want to write or speak, do i make a conscious effort to string words into sentences. i think a snapshot of my mind would be like a collage, or a blinking collage perhaps, of movement caught and held under flashing strobe lights.

so due to the sheer nature of the way my mind works, it's not my fault i can't hold on to thoughts for too long. i think my mind works erratically and tends to veer off logical thought processes. i find tremendous difficulty in writing narratives because i hate planning out the sequence of events.

i think that's how i think anyway. everytime i concentrate on thinking about how i think, i get myself confused, like now, so whatever.

[Listening to: geek in the pink by jason mraz]

2006-06-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

i wanted to make a list of all the places i want to go to and all the things i want to do in this lifetime, but then i decided that it wouldn't be a good idea because it'll mean that i'll never be satisfied until i've ticked everything on that list, which will leave me feeling a sense of loss of purpose and what will i do for the rest of my life then? the list is limitless surely, so rather than dictate every minute thing that i will do, i'll discover more things as i go along.

[Listening to: feel this girl by ms jade]

2006-06-12T01:09:00.000-07:00

there is a sort of splendidness in great sorrow. sorrow can tear one apart, but it unites all the grieving people through the common experience they share. sorrow gives companionship through widespread loneliness [how paradoxical, the term widespread loneliness, if everyone is alone, can they still be alone? maybe that's what frost was talking about] and this in turn creates strength that only comes in numbers. when Andromache mourned for Hector, she grieved as only his wife could, but the city wept with her for their prince.

i was mistaken, the strength that comes with sorrow need not be brought about by the masses. it can be called upon by the individual who comes to terms with his loss, and hence makes the transition over to resolution.

[Listening to: iris by the goo goo dolls]

2006-06-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

it's the little random quirks that makes a person more real, so here goes:

i generally don't pluck flowers off the side of the road because eventually they become wrinkly and gross and squished and that makes me guilty for killing an innocent flower so i try not to pluck them to begin with.

i have to sleep on my left side and i've been doing so since whoknowswhen and i can't fall asleep on my right.

those big round mushrooms in plastic clingwrap and styrofoam trays they sell in supermarkets secretly tell me to prod them. which is why i can't resist.

once those mushrooms are out of their packages they tell me to slice them. which is why i take pleasure in chopping them up.

i don't fold my comforter after i get out of bed because i think it's a waste of time since i'm going to unfold it again at night.

[Listening to: dance dance by fall out boy]

2006-06-05T10:24:00.000-07:00

i wikipediaed my name to see what it means, but no page with that title exists.

[Listening to: la luna by belinda carlise]

2006-05-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

i've always appreciated the forward-looking. living in yesteryears serves no purpose but to cage yourself in, and the person that yu are only shrinks and shrinks till eventually yu disappear into the past.

so why do i feel so left behind? it's like being preserved in an ice chamber for eons and the world goes into fast-foward mode without your conscious knowledge and when yu finally emerge, everything has evolved. the people yu thought yu knew become strangers and the constants are the source of change. everyone streams forward except for yu, while the struggle to land a firm hold on something, anything, only makes yu sink further. i feel bewildered, almost - am i the one who has changed or is it everybody else?

i probably knew it from the start actually. forever is a slippery thing that slides between our fingers and flows away no matter how many times yu try to catch it, and catch it. encasing yourself doesnt protect yu from the change, it only isolates yu further. what scares me is not the past. it's the future.

i thought the world would stop for me.

[Listening to: amie by damien rice]

2006-05-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

no wonder they say contentment kills inspiration. i keep wanting to write about certain things, still there's no motivation. i suppose peace is precious, but the lack of an antagonistic factor just makes us dull. dreams are my main sustenance now, perhaps because they flit from past to present to future and back again, while we're still stuck in the here and now. patience has never been one of my virtues.

[Listening to: when the stars go blue by tim mcgraw]

2006-05-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

tribal people do raindances. my dad just washes the car.

[Listening to: volcano by damien rice]

2006-04-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

elsewhere, hands and hearts are joining.

i wrap my words around me, and they keep me company.

[listening to: if everyone cared by nickleback]

2006-04-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

i absolutely hate waiting, i really do. i hate that every moment spent waiting is a moment spent thinking about what yu're waiting for and wondering why it hasn't happened yet. waiting yanks whatever control yu have out of your hands and places it just out of your reach. so yu still think yu're the one making the decision whether or not to continue waiting, but in reality yu're pretty much helpless till something happens.

waiting means hope, and hope can be cruel. waiting means suspension, when everything else has to be put on hold. waiting means passiveness, and i look down on passiveness when it comes to things that matter. waiting just seems spineless somehow, as if yu're unable to take charge of your own future. waiting doesn't even come with the joy of unpredictability, because yu do know the outcome - yu either get what yu're waiting for, or yu continue waiting.

i think waiting breaks the spirit. arguably, it intensifies emotions for perhaps a while, but waters them down in the long run. there is a time limit that comes with waiting, whether we acknowledge it or not, and we can never return once the expiry date is past.

[listening to: so beautiful by darren hayes]

2006-03-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

we walk on the straight and narrow for so long that the fear grows with each step we take. i will roll on the plains and love the world for what it is.

the earth is ancient; the mountains are old.
who cares for the little things we call accomplishments?

2006-02-07T05:54:00.000-08:00

some people say their heart is like paper, it tears easily; some people say their heart is like glass, it breaks easily. but those just sound so, well, girly. of course, sounding prettily fragile and fluttering can never go wrong. i, on the other hand, am not deluded. i see my heart as exactly what it is.

a dark red pulsating organ.

not elegant, nor poetic. actually, it sounds rather repulsive. but that's my heart and i doubt it's going to change in the near future. one thing though, sometimes it seems absolutely ridiculous that this bloody organ which sustains my life is protected by mere flesh and bone. not particularly reassuring no matter how yu look at it.

i remember indiana jones the temple of doom. the guy dug out someone's heart and held it in his hand. and so he stood there with that throbbing heart. and that image is emblazoned in my mind.

2006-02-07T05:44:00.000-08:00

writing in a closed journal is like doing what an oyster does - yu accumulate all these insignificant bits of dirt that come about in your mediocre life, and yu dont realise it but more and more is being wonderfully compressed into a smooth whole, and one day someone will yank out your precious creation for the world to see and admire but guess what - yu'll be dead by then.

[Listening to: without you by air supply]

2006-02-05T08:03:00.000-08:00

when yu're just a kid, yu never ever worry about growing up bcos yu know that yu'll be equipped with the skills to handle anything that can be thrown at yu. but then there comes a time when yu're unceremoniously yanked out of your happy buffer zone and everybody goes dothisdothishowcanyunotknowthis and yu wonder why yu still feel exactly like a kid when yu were supposed to be magically endowed with adult skills. and so yu learn that adult skills are not painlessly bestowed on yu.

2006-01-03T06:52:00.000-08:00

and the writing is dammed up by cluttered emotions.
scattered thoughts; broken feelings; relationships on hold.
and there is a lull-
momentary peace held on to by restrictions
but the mind swirls, abrading that tentative hold

till

thewordscomeflowingpouringgushingout
unstoppableunrestraineduncontrollable
never to be bound again
and the release is liberating
and yu know there is much to pick up after,
but liberating.

and i long for that day.

[Listening to: without you by air supply]

2005-10-11T05:49:00.000-07:00

never is a place where the sea meets the sky.

[Listening to: fly away by nelly]

2005-10-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

i think my thoughts are like meteorites- they blaze for a moment then just fizzle out, not leaving a trace of their existence, which explains the need for me to write them down. this way when im old i wont face a dark blank sky.

[Listening to: party starter by will smith]

2005-10-06T05:44:00.000-07:00

behind every cynic is a disillusioned idealist. maybe the ones who appear the most skeptical are the ones that have such grand ideals that they refuse to accept anything that falls short, and in the process of rejecting realistic options, appear to be the ones least willing to dream. maybe they are the ones who believe the most, the ones who invest so whole-heartedly in those ideals that everything else just seems inadequate, and rather than make-do with something lesser, choose to reject everything that might come along.

[Listening to: don't wanna try by frankie j]

2005-09-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

Mary: I hate the way you talk about dying.
Colin: Everyone thinks I'll die.
Mary: If everyone thought that about me, I wouldn't do it.
---The Secret Garden

[Listening to: listen to your heart techno remix by dht]

2005-09-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

haha sometimes i think im crazy setting my alarm at 8am just for the cheap thrill of waking up and feeling insanely pleased about the fact that i can go back to sleep and then doing just that.

[Listening to: we be burnin' by sean paul]

2005-09-06T03:18:00.000-07:00

i believe we all start off as a colour, either with the vibrance of red, the energy of yellow or maybe the freshness of green. then as we get older we experience the colours of places, experiences and emotions. black of the night sky, black of the death of a loved one, black of anger, maybe hatred. blue of the sea in the mid-afternoon, blue of our faces as we freeze in winter, blue of moping around feeling out of sorts. a drop of a different colour as we proceed in our lives, added to the pure colour we start off with. and with the continuous blending and swirling of different colours each one of us experiences, we eventually end up with a distinctive shade to call our own. perhaps not as untainted and intense as that of what we began with, but the nuances in the shades differentiate us from one another, makes us each a unique individual. our colours are mellower, maybe deeper, maybe darker, maybe not as instantly-likeable, but more exclusive to us ourselves and ourselves only.

[Listening to: crutch by matchbox 20]

2005-08-31T07:39:00.000-07:00

appreciate the beauty in subtlety.

[Listening to: be my escape by relient k]

2005-08-31T06:43:00.000-07:00

it seems like the more knowledge we acquire the more we go against the laws that made our existence possible in the first place. women get educated and stop having babies. we improve technology and increase pollution. i thought we were supposed to be getting smarter. at this rate the moment we experience ultimate enlightenment would probably the point of time we experience total extinction.

[Listening to: rest stop by matchbox twenty]

2005-08-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

i always thought that time showed change, but come to think of it change shows time. we feel a sense of time passing when we see things changing, we see time by witnessing movement, the changing of the positions of the sun in the sky, the ticking of the hands of a clock. i would like to think of change as a travellator really, one that pushes us through the passage of time, rather than time being the driving force and we just watching the changes occur. Without change, everything comes to a standstill. so logically it means that nothing lasts forever bcos forever cannot come about without change. what's precious are the things that can evolve with time and yet retain the essence of what they stood for in the beginning.

[Listening to: bed of lies by matchbox 20]

2005-08-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

i think the reason why they say sleep tight is bcos sometimes when yu sleep your mind feels as if it's drifting in a million directions at once. so yu say sleep tight so that yu keep your thoughts and your mind close to yu when yu sleep so they dont run all over the place and yu dont hafta go catch them before yu wake up and end up even more exhausted than when yu went to bed. sleep tight- wrap yourself up in a cocoon, don't spread yourself too thin and don't lose yourself in your dreams.

[Listening to: just the girl by the click five]

2005-08-08T01:03:00.000-07:00

Once, when I had finished my Arts degree and was only doing law, I read a new novel by a wonderful Australian writer. My friend, also a slightly disaffected law student, asked me what I thought of it.

'I didn't really get it,' I said, disappointed. 'I don't think it worked.' He looked at me. 'That's because,' he said, 'you were reading for the point.' He was right. I'd just read a novel, a thing of grace and beauty, a complex interaction with the world, and life. And, out of force of training, I'd been looking for the point.

My friend laughed. 'Next,' he said, 'you'll be listening to music for the argument.'

--- Anna Funder

[Listening to: don't speak by no doubt]

2005-08-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

and when i saw someone else who had listed silver as a fave colour i was surprisingly moved. Not only bcos i didn't realise before that i was convinced silver was a colour at all, but that someone else thought it too.

[Listening to: you had a bad day by daniel powter]

2005-08-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

funny how we're always so keen to prove our individualism and yet at the same time spend time and money on personality tests and quizes that fit us into little boxes with fifty million other people. those boxes are misleading anyway, they make yu assume people would remain in that box 24/7 and for the rest of their lives. i thought self-discovery meant probing into your character and opening a greater range of options by finding out things yu never knew were in yourself, not confining yourself into a little box that people yu dont even know put yu in.

[Listening to: crazy baby by fantasy project]

2005-07-31T07:18:00.000-07:00

"My daughter, Lily-Rose, was about three when i was making Pirates of teh Caribbean. When people asked her what your parents do, she said 'My mummy is a singer and my daddy's a pirate.' Now Rose is five and Jack is two. Jack still thinks i'm a pirate, disguised as Willy Wonka. Lily-Rose is coming to terms with the fact that daddy is schizophrenic." --- Johnny Depp

2005-07-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

Smalltown Dance by Judith Wright

Two women find the square-root of a sheet.
That is an ancient dance:
arms wide: together: again: two forward steps: hands meet
your partner's once and twice.
That white expanse
reduces to a neat
compression fitting in the smallest space
a sheet can pack in on a cupboard shelf.

High scented walls there were of flapping white
when I was small, myself
I walked between them, playing Out of Sight.
Simpler than arms, they wrapped and comforted-
clean corridors of hiding, roofed with blue-
saying, Your sins too are made Monday-new;
and see, ahead
that glimpse of unobstructed waiting green.
Run, run before your are seen.

But women know the scale of possibility,
the limit of opportunity,
the fence,
how little chance
there is of getting out. The sheets that tug
sometimes struggle from the peg,
don't travel far. Might symbolise
something. Knowing where danger lies
you have to keep things orderly.
The household budget will not stretch to more.

And they can demonstrate it in a dance.
First pull those wallowing white dreamers down,
spread arms: then close them. Fold
those beckoning roads to come impossible world,
put them away and close the cupboard door.

one of the things i'm most afraid of.

2005-07-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

the thing about 3d objects is that no matter which snapshot angle yu look at them from, there will always be a portion that is hidden, and yu can never see the whole object as an entity from just one angle. i suppose this is what makes them real.

2005-07-24T06:51:00.000-07:00

'You must be dead because i... i can't feel anything anymore.' --- Elliott to ET, in ET the extra terrestrial

2005-07-22T07:42:00.000-07:00

amazing things about my name i never knew for the past 18 years:

by rearranging the letters in my name i get -her name is-
so -her name is- shermaine hahahhahaa

when yu try to type shermaine into a hp in dictionary mode, chances are it'll show -shermagod-
so in black lingo, -she r ma god-

sherma is supposed to be the name of a hero from Hindu legends

pronouncing shermagne is similar to pronouncing shermaine, just that like charlemagne means charles the great, shermagne means sher the great

ok my head is inflating at a tremendous rate now hahahhahahahaaha

2005-07-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

a girl who is not flattered by attention from the opposite sex is a girl with class. and i respect that fact.

[Listening to: 7 years and 50 days by groove coverage]

2005-07-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

im quite won over by lost. was watching it at first bcos of all the hype and seductive trailers they've been showing since march, watching it now bcos im pretty hooked. the suspense the intrigue the development of human nature and the way a bit more background knowledge is revealed about each character each episode draws me in like the blockbuster drama it is should. i like the way drama in this case includes so many people in its plot, and focuses on the interaction between all of them, rather than revolve around 2 people with the rest as periphery like many ahem jap/korean/taiwanese dramas i've seen. one of the msges i appreciate is that people are never simple, everyone has a background, but everyone has a future too, and your background may shape who yu are, but will never define what yu can do. one thing about the show though- it wraps up each episode on each character too cleanly, with minimal repercussions, but i suppose this is necessary to move the show along, and it makes for better watching anyway.

[Listening to: day that i die by good charlotte]

2005-07-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

i have a theory- that the attraction between 2 pple, not counting lust, can only be like and not love till they experience a tremendous external event or obstacle that, just through the process of going through it together, forms a special bond between them, or maybe fortifies the initial interest they had in each other. people are together bcos of like, or bcos they're bound by duty, or even habit, seldom bcos of love. worry, panic and the pure need for self-survival brings about the worst and the best in pple, and only when yu see all sides of a person do yu really accept him for who he is and then love him. of course, the definition of a tremendous external event is broad and one that i find more relevant to most would be time. time is a test in itself, and with time more and more of a person is revealed, and loving a person means loving him wholly, flaws and all. i see love between an old couple that have been together decades, i see like between a young couple still finding out where they stand.

needless to say i question romeo and juliet, one of the most famous romantic tragedies of all time. i believe they could have found love eventually, but by killing themselves out of love, they killed their chances of love. maybe that means i can never be a romantic, who knows.

[Listening to: back at one by brian mcknight]

2005-07-17T02:29:00.000-07:00

i have the most gorgeous cherries i've ever seen in my fridge at the moment. i think they were self-delusional and thought they were plums and thus grew huge and deep red and are insanely sweet. they're like the perfect apple the witch gave to snow white just that they're not apples they're cherries. and i have a whole bag of them. and they're all mineeeee. maybe they're genetically modified.

[Listening to: the best i ever had by vertical horizon]

2005-07-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

in genso maden saiyuki, the monk is my favourite character. he does everything a monk shouldn't do, from smoking to gambling to carrying a hand gun and not hesitating to use it either. and the most ironic thing is that he may be a monk, but he dismisses the gods and instead believes in himself and not anyone else. but what's interesting is that he essentially helps people and remains good despite all the vices that he indulges in.

when we were younger we were told tt gambling smoking drinking sleeping around are all bad. and so yu assume tt any engagement in those activities would instantly mean yu're a bad person. but then if yu think about it, are all those activities and being a good person actually mutually exclusive? what if yu have certain precious qualities tt no one else has, but it so happens that yu have several bad habits too? everyone is an individual, don't be too quick to say he's bad.

[Listening to: feel good inc by the gorillaz]

2005-06-26T02:22:00.000-07:00

we come up with so many rules and laws in order to bring organisation to an otherwise messed-up world. but the one which appears the most ludicrous is also the one that differentiates us as higher order beings- that love should follow a first-come-first-served basis.

and we speak of true love, but what happens when true love comes after marriage?

[Listening to: moonlight shadow by groove coverage]

2005-06-26T00:59:00.000-07:00

and ah beng music makes me so ridiculously happy.

[Listening to: poison by groove coverage]

2005-06-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

an incident is not an event seen from a neutral, omnipresent, detached point of view, unlike that normally used in movies. it is a collection of senses and emotions and thoughts from the different people present at that particular venue at that particular time. and each set from a person is much like a piece of tinted glass, put on top of one another so that they overlap, and by peering through the entire stack, we get a general feel of the overall picture.

[Listening to: best i ever had by vertical horizon]

2005-06-21T03:59:00.000-07:00

We looked out across the tremendous sweep of the bay where the rain, falling lightly on us still, thickened and blackened as it grew closer to the Clare shore, the small Clare hills buried under black clouds vast as flattened, molten Alps. I put up the collar of my coat and shivered, half from the cold and half from the glory. The power and scale of it. Its indifference to my existence thrilled me, i loved the world when it forgot about me. --- Juno and Juliet by Julian Gough

[Listening to: you're beautiful by james blunt]

2005-06-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

getting sick of picking up books which have covers that look so promisingly exotic, with beautiful landscapes or mysterious shadowy figures or deep rich colours that catch your eye. and they even come with titles that sound so nicely mystical. and yu start anticipating a good absorbing read ahead. until yu turn to the synopsis at the back and the book's about some middle-aged woman's domestic problems. and how she mopes about the house feeling sorry for herself. blahblahblah. maybe the older yu get, the more self-absorbed yu become.

[Listening to: wordplay by jason mraz]

2005-06-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

once again i was thinking about how nice it would be to have someone to just sit with yu and keep yu company. a person that yu are with not bcos he's the wittiest person yu know or someone that yu have the most fun with or that he is the best listener yu can find. too many expectations come with these titles, and every time he's not up to standard, yu feel disappointed at his failure to live up to what yu believe him to be. moreover, all those qualities are replaceable, the moment yu find someone else who's funnier, or livelier, or conversely quieter or more down-to-earth. a special someone would be a person that yu find the most natural to be with, not bcos he has any particular traits or characteristics, but bcos being with him is the way it has always been. when there is no need for spoken words as they are but talismans to ward off the silence. when yu are comforted just by that person's presence and the recognition of the fact that yu are not alone.

and then a sudden revelation hit me. am i not giving the definition of family? people yu find most natural to be with bcos it has always been that way. people yu don't need to impress or to worry whether they will judge yu. strange then that these are the same people that we tend to be most cynical about. sometimes with the introduction of boy-girl relationships, family becomes underrated. how come we are so willing to forgive a boyfriend that treats yu like dirt but so quick to find fault with the people that yu have lived with your entire life? it's too easy to let a few mistakes negate a lifetime of care. your parents are the ones who jumped into the pool to fish yu out of the water the second your baby float overturned; who freaked out when your hand got stuck in the tape player; who hid outside the classroom of your nursery school not bcos yu couldn't cope being away from them, but bcos they had difficulty being away from yu. people say a child can never love his parents more than they love him- i believe it's true.

of course no family is perfect, and some even less than others. but we need to remember that it's easy to have feelings for people who display their affections for yu, either through frequent um confessions of their emotions or showering of material goods, which naturally makes us more receptive not just to boyfriends or girlfriends, but also the parents who others generally assume love their children more. it is much harder to generate feelings for the backstage crew, the people who ensure the smooth running of the show but are often less appreciated. a child may conclude his parents hate him when they banish him outside the house when he misbehaves, but he doesn't see their hearts breaking as they watch him scream and cry.

before yu judge me, try hard to love me-- childhood by michael jackson

i don't see why that doesn't apply to family too.

[Listening to: home by michael buble]

2005-05-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

... Cruella Watson and I gradually slid in love - a long-drawn-out process that started with a grudged and wary non-aggression pact and slithered sideways into an unspoken acknowledgement that, when the teams of Life were picked, we'd always be the ones left over at the end, and therefore some kind of alliance was grimly inevitable. She was sullen, razor-tongued and miserable as sin, having a father who lived behind a desk in a solicitors' office and a mother who despised her because her hair didn't go with the curtains. I saw elves. Who in God's name else would want either one of us? ----- Little People by Tom Holt

haha a most refreshing approach on why people get together.

[Listening to: chariot by gavin degraw]

2005-05-11T05:49:00.000-07:00

A child's spirit should not be chased, but in time, with love, will return to your side. -Mothers

i don't think i'll ever be brave enough to let my child go.

[Listening to: breathe by anna nalick]

2005-05-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

one-way mirrors are one of the most amazing inventions ever. the idea that yu could be standing 2cm away from someone separated by a mere pane of glass, with him knowing exactly what's going on and yu oblivious, is creepy, to say the least, as yu are unable to sense someone's presence that close to yu. the concept brings about various random thoughts:

i believe eyes are like one-way mirrors. books tell how the guy looks into the girl's eyes and sees the hurt inside blahblahblah i think it's all trash and fluffy lovey-dovey stories to make young girls melt and go aww. eyes - yu see the whole world out of them but when people look in, all they see are reflections of themselves. terribly unromantic, come to think of it. as inappropriate as mechanical terms are when talking about something so unmechanical, but for want of better description, the input is infinitely large, yet the output is minimal. yu absorb a gazillion types of information through your eyes - colour brightness texture distance and so manymany more. yu almost see emotions, by acknowledging body language and deciphering codes produced by facial features. but none of the processing can be seen by others. your own thoughts and feelings are never expressed through the eyes, and all that can be seen is the light in your eyes, which indicates life. ok backing down a bit, i concede that sometimes yu can see vague signs as to what people are feeling, but nothing more than what yu can see through the surface of the ocean in the middle of the afternoon when the sun is reflecting off the smooth surface of the water. yu get impressions of stirring beneath the surface, but that's about it. and so as much as people say they can see the pain in your eyes, i say rubbish, it's bcos yu're tearing.

that scene in swordfish is most disturbing, the one in which one guy happily makes faces at himself in the one-way mirror of the interrogation room and another guy on the other side of the mirror aims the gun at his forehead and shoots him point blank. one-way mirrors could bring a whole new dimension to the phrase infringement of privacy. yu could feel absolutely certain that yu're alone when wham-bam the earth-shaking revelation that someone is watching yu hits yu like a sledge-hammer. whatever that feels like. perfect material for horror shows isn't it. i can almost see the poster already- someone's watching yu.

ironically enough, one-way mirrors seem ideal as a symbol of unrequited love. guy likes girl and knows everything about her, girl doesn't know nuts about guy and treats him like the invisible man. guy literally watches out for her and watches her at the same time. lololol. how cheesy. im appalled at the way my brain works similar to that of directors of sappy jap dramas sometimes.

[Listening to: collide by howie day]

2005-05-03T05:54:00.000-07:00

the dark is generous. its first gift is concealment: our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still.but the greatest concealment lies not in protec ting our secret truths, but in hiding from us the truths of others. the dark protects usf rom what we dare not know. its second gift is comforting illusion: the ease of gentle dreams in nights's embrace, the beauty that imagination brings to what would repel in da y's harsh light. but the greatest of its comforts is the illusion that dark is temporary: that every night brings a new day. because it is day that is temporary. day is the illusion its third gift is the light itself: as days are defined by the nights that divide them, as stars are defined by the infinite black through which they wheel, as the dark embraces the light, and brings it forth from the center of its ownself. --- from tsus blog

2005-04-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

fall sick. see doctor get antibiotics. take antibiotics. antibiotics cause weird tingly side effects. concerned at first. ignore them. become an expert at dismissing pesky symptoms. technically get well. have fun. get accustomed to experiencing various small annoyances. don't realise yu're falling sick again. fall sick. and this is the song that never ends-

2005-04-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

thinking we can change people - naivety or egotism? we always have such grand aspirations to influence the people around us, thinking we made an impact, left a life-altering impression on them. in stories that happens all the time: the protagonist astounds friends family strangers with his personality, shines his light, illuminating everything in his path. but each of us are protagonists in our own life stories [urgh as much as i hate to say that, it makes my hair stand on end] and each of us has a light, what makes us think our light is brighter than others? if we're really affected by every single person we meet, won't we be but battered pieces of plasticine? impressionable lumps of nothing in particular? and allowing ourselves to be changed by the people around us - is that considered weak-principled or seeing the light? [lololol shit i just made a pun.] it's easy to judge when situations are presented to us in black and white, but in reality ceteris paribus does not exist.

[Listening to: hollaback girl by gwen stefani]

2005-04-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

when yu feel so tired. and yu wish yu could press the pause button so the whole silly world would stop zooming past yu. and yu wish yu had a friend who didn't have to go to work or to school or to complete some impt business and who could just sit with yu for say maybe 3 months or so to watch the grass grow. someone yu could keep in your secret hiding place so that the rest of the world doesn't find him and kidnap him into their relentless flurry of things-to-do. somewhere off in a place where time doesn't chase after yu like a ticking crocodile.

[Listening to: hold me by savage garden]

2005-03-09T02:32:00.000-08:00

Yu know how sometimes yu can't help doing silly little girl things like walk-balance on the curb of the pavement or do little hops and twirls to the beat of your radio, taking secret pleasure in being all alone and having the freedom to do whatever yu want. Till someone comes up to talk to yu and yu realise someone actually saw yu do all of the above. Absolutely mortifying. Urgh. I shall refrain from doing anything silly in future unless I'm at the top of some ulufied mountain.

[Listening to: iris by goo goo dolls]

2005-03-01T04:51:00.000-08:00

i could post an entry on how school sucks so maybe someone will tell me not to worry things will get better eventually. or i could post one on how depressed i am so someone will say don't be, i'll always be here to cheer yu up. maybe i could gush about how wonderful my day was bcoz yay i laughed a lot and had a lot of fun and enjoyed myself. or i could rant about some random bitchy teacher who screwed me for self-excusing myself from lessons.

alternatively, i can not post an entry.

[Listening to: more than words by extreme]

2005-02-28T04:58:00.000-08:00

a thought suddenly struck me. how do mermaids reproduce? like binary fission?

[Listening to: only hope by switchfoot]

2005-02-24T20:41:00.000-08:00

girls shouldn't use their vulnerabilities. doing so would be like degrading yourself to a lower position intentionally to make others feel the need to take care of yu. a woman is not someone a man needs to protect, she is someone who challenges the man and is his equal. of course i'm not saying females should all be like in the modern day fairy tales in which the women are trained in martial arts and can kick the guys' butts [think electra and dark angel etc etc] but garnering sympathy bcoz we're more helpless is just low. sheesh i think im turning into a feminist.

[Listening to: i just wanna live by good charlotte]

2005-02-18T23:44:00.000-08:00

pocahontas is one of my fave disneys. i like that she was indignant when john smith looked down on her way of life; i like that she had a funky grandmother tree to guide, not preach; i liked that she kept her identity by not leaving with him when he went back.

come roll in all the riches all around yu, and for once, never wonder what they're worth

2005-02-15T07:08:00.000-08:00

i wonder if heaven could ever be boring. heaven being defined as a place with only positive feelings and everything in pastel colours. technically it shouldn't, since yu're supposed to feel most blissful there. but they say too much of a good thing can be bad. can happiness be sustained? i like the idea of pocket-sized heavens, where yu don't stay permanently but instead be immersed in once in a while. hohumho.

[Listening to: sooner or later by switchfoot]

2005-02-12T08:06:00.000-08:00

when they say we should oh cherish everyday as if it were our last, do they really expect us to sit there and think omigosh i'm so appreciating what i have now i love my thisthisthis and my thatthatthat and my whateverwhateverwhatevers and by the time yu finish thinking all that it wont be surprising if yu're already gone. people tend to take for granted what they have until they lose it, and that's just the way it is. i don't see a point in spending every moment in your life feeling grateful for something and imagining what it's like without it. it's almost as much a waste of time as moping over something that can no longer be. there are high points in everyone's lives; enjoy when possible and when it's over, look forward to the next. heck the sentimentalists- why be bogged down by unnecessary emotion? i see freedom in accepting things; excessive worry does nothing for me.

[Listening to: when i'm gone by 3 doors down]