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some people say their heart is like paper, it tears easily; some people say their heart is like glass, it breaks easily. but those just sound so, well, girly. of course, sounding prettily fragile and fluttering can never go wrong. i, on the other hand, am not deluded. i see my heart as exactly what it is.
a dark red pulsating organ.
not elegant, nor poetic. actually, it sounds rather repulsive. but that's my heart and i doubt it's going to change in the near future. one thing though, sometimes it seems absolutely ridiculous that this bloody organ which sustains my life is protected by mere flesh and bone. not particularly reassuring no matter how yu look at it.
i remember indiana jones the temple of doom. the guy dug out someone's heart and held it in his hand. and so he stood there with that throbbing heart. and that image is emblazoned in my mind.
[by the way i tried to say]
writing in a closed journal is like doing what an oyster does - yu accumulate all these insignificant bits of dirt that come about in your mediocre life, and yu dont realise it but more and more is being wonderfully compressed into a smooth whole, and one day someone will yank out your precious creation for the world to see and admire but guess what - yu'll be dead by then.
[Listening to: without you by air supply]
Sunday, February 05, 2006
[by the way i tried to say]
when yu're just a kid, yu never ever worry about growing up bcos yu know that yu'll be equipped with the skills to handle anything that can be thrown at yu. but then there comes a time when yu're unceremoniously yanked out of your happy buffer zone and everybody goes dothisdothishowcanyunotknowthis and yu wonder why yu still feel exactly like a kid when yu were supposed to be magically endowed with adult skills. and so yu learn that adult skills are not painlessly bestowed on yu.